Review: French Kissing

French Kissing by Catherine Sanderson
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I'm actually so mad at this ridiculous book.

It started out as an okay piece of fluff, then it was just dull, but finally it just crossed too many lines.

Let's start with the small stuff.

Sally is an English woman living in France. She has a young daughter and has recently split from her cheating partner. This book follows her attempts at internet dating, and how she deals with life as a single parent. It's basically like reading a really boring diary. There's a bunch of stuff about Lila, her daughter, that's only going to be interesting to other mothers, there's a tedious blow-by-blow of EVERY encounter she has, and there's so much French it's an absolute chore trying to translate it all. There's very little in the way of plot, meaning there's no drive to keep reading. There's no romance, there's no fun, there's just basically nothing interesting happening here at all.

Now, I'm actually in the process of learning French myself, so it was interesting trying my hand at translating some of the included phrases. But I eventually got bored, then frustrated, and I can't imagine how annoying this much French would be to someone completely unfamiliar with the language. It was an absolute turn off.

Then, it got worse.

It graduated from boring to ridiculous, with Sally meeting some pretty dodgy men and being naively charmed by things that should have set off alarm bells. The fact that she gets all excited when she meets a man who 'doesn't seem able to take no for an answer' was a big disappointment. Something like that would have me running in the opposite direction, but Sally seems totally okay putting herself in risky situations all in the name of love. I really think there needed to be more skepticism here - everyone knows the Internet is a dodgy place but this book wants to completely overlook that.

This made me so incredibly mad and I was so done with this book from that point onward. I pretty much skimmed the rest, and I'm honestly glad I did because it was a waste of time investing in this one. There's no likable characters and the stream of suitors just gets more and more ridiculous.

So, yeah. What should have been a lighthearted piece of fluff ended up making me furious and loathsome towards it. WHAT. A. JOKE.

Recommendation: Avoid like the plague.

View all my reviews

Review: The Richmond Conspiracy

The Richmond Conspiracy by Andrew Grimes
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

What an utter load of codswallop.

To enjoy this book, you must be interested in a few things:
-Melbourne, and all of its streets, buildings and landmarks
-Politics
-Sport
-War
-Aussie slang
-1930s' lack of political correctness
-Flowery writing

Thus, for me, this novel was incredibly dull and full of crap to put me off.

Firstly, I love Melbourne. It's my 'hood. I love books set in Melbourne because I can relate to them a little more. If I were to describe my feelings towards Melbourne, I would call it a sweet little crush.

This book, on the other hand, wants to jump Melbourne's bones. There is so much unnecessary crap about what Melbourne looks like and what streets he's driving on and which building are new, and old, and a bunch of suburb names that will mean little to anyone not familiar with the city. There are descriptions of landmarks and it was just OVERKILL. If I'm reading a book set in a city I'm familiar with and it goes into so much detail that I'm bored, I can't imagine the pain that's gonna cause for someone who's never been to Melbourne. So, yeah, needed to ease up a little on the love affair, there.

The sport was another drainer. The book is set in 1933, so I'm sure there'll be a few readers who enjoy reminiscing about the cricket and the footy mentioned here, but I don't even follow this stuff in the present. I'm sure the cricket stuff was supposed to be a clever little symbolic thing, but it honestly flew way over my head. When he then started talking about footy, I wanted to cry. I'll admit, I ended up skipping the paragraphs that mentioned sport.

The political/war stuff was a main thread of the murder mystery, so that was pretty disappointing for me. When it all wrapped up I honestly had very little idea of what had just gone down, and the big reveals at the end had zero effect because I'd lost track of everyone's motives. There are so many characters and I never really got familiar with who was who so, again, there was no big shock because when someone is revealed to be behind something I always found myself thinking, 'which one was that again?' Plus, all the procedural stuff is interspersed with all the boring sport and Melbourne stuff so as soon as I started to get the hang of what was going on, I lost the thread again to boredom. It all became incredibly hard to follow and I was just glad it was all over, in the end. WHAT. A. SLOG.

Now ohmygod let's talk about the Aussie slang and stereotypes.

I mentioned I'm an Aussie, right?

For the most part, I actually hate the sound of Aussie slang. I'm not talking about things like 'arvo' and 'brekky' that have been integrated into every day language, I'm talking about the cold, hard, stereotype slang like 'bloody oath' and 'g'day' and 'fair dinkum'. This book is teeming with them and it's so incredibly frustrating. I know this is set in the '30s but every single character talks like Alf from Home and Away. I found that it completely distracted me from what they were actually saying because the writing of it seemed false to me. This book just put so much effort into proving it was Australian that it kinda overshadowed the actual story.

Now, here's a hot topic.

This book is also incredibly offensive. Again, I get that it's historical fiction, but it has cross-dressing and homosexual characters and it is far from kind to them. The language is disgusting and a classic example of all of the barriers these populations are STILL trying to overcome today. Plus, these characters are stereotypes themselves. This book was written recent enough that it could easily have handled these characters with a little more care and understanding, but instead it went full, 'my old, judgy grandpa' on it and just let loose. Not cool. Also, cross dressing is not a fetish, you inconsiderate, uninformed piece of trash. This book definitely lost my respect with this stuff.

AND PLEASE DESCRIBE THE TERRIFYING SOUND A POSSUM MAKES PROPERLY.

Seriously, guys. Have you heard a possum? It's like something out of a horror movie.

This book just tries way too hard to describe everything, and the story gets lost in all the extra scene-setting and similes. It's supposed to be historical crime fiction, but it's more like a washed out attempt at literary fiction. There's nothing really to keep it tense and exciting, and is generally underwhelming. Full of Australian wildlife and stereotypes, though. 'Oh, look, a wallaby in the backyard.' *eyeroll*

Also, I am SO SICK of these middle-aged detectives, often married, falling for the young and beautiful witness/family member that can't help but be illogically yet passionately attracted to him. THAT SH*T DON'T HAPPEN. I'm convinced every time this happens that it's just the author living out a fantasy in his writing.

So re-read that initial checklist, and if you're a fan of any of those things, I'm sure you'll get a kick out of this one. If, alternatively, like me, you have very little interest in any of these subjects, I'd give this one a miss.

View all my reviews

Review: Tempest Road

Tempest Road by Justin Edison
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Uh, yeahhhhhh NO. Nope. Not doing it. DNF at 32%

Why?

It lost me immediately with the confusion of tense and POV. It gets straight into the action but that action is a mess of vague thoughts and incomprehensible happenings. It was all over the place, and when it still wasn't making sense to me 20-odd pages in my insides deflated a little. I was so ready for an epic jungle action adventure.

I mean, how's this for a plot: famous man is kidnapped and dragged through jungle for mysterious reasons. I was so down with that. That's my jam, right there. I didn't even care that it was going to have boring soccer stuff. I was so ready for jungle cat maulings and giant bugs and wild chases and instead I got confusing tense, conversations that made very little sense and a whole bunch of random ... Spanish? I think?!

'Disappointed' doesn't quite cover it.

So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give this three incredibly generous stars because I want more people to read it. I want someone to work at it harder than I did and tell me it comes good and is full of crazy jungle adventure. I want someone with a greater intellect than I to unravel the mess of dialogue and explain to me what was going on.

I can see talent, and imagination, but to the point I read there was just very little creativity or logic. It was messy. It was an absolute drainer to try and comprehend. And the first person mixed with third person mixed with past tense mixed with present tense just broke me.

I hope more people read this book, and enjoy it, because I'm sure there's a decent story lurking in there somewhere, but it absolutely was not what I was hoping for. I even flicked to the end to see if there was an exciting conclusion or cliffhanger or something but even the last 30 or so pages wasn't enough to ignite my curiosity. I'm so sad at my inability to read this. I wanted it to be a winner.

Honestly I encourage you to make your own mind up about this one! The writing was not for me but honestly someone out there is gonna love this and I wanna know who you are!

With thanks to the author and Voracious Readers for my free e-copy.

View all my reviews

Review: Hero at the Fall

Hero at the Fall by Alwyn Hamilton
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Mild case of heartbreak over here.

I fell hard over the first book, you know? It had so much going for it, and Amani and Jin made such a dynamic duo. The first book was full of adventure, magic, and general badassery. I loved it.

Then we copped a second book full of politics and war and YAWNSSSSS which was all the more dull because there was not nearly enough Jin for my liking and Amani is, let's face it, kind of dull without Jin.

So here I was hoping for series redemption but, alas, it did not make my heart leap as I had hoped.

Amani, Jin, and friends, I think it's time we break up.

Don't get me wrong, now - we're still friends. I did enjoy this book, for the same reasons I enjoyed the first. But I also disliked it for the same reasons I disliked the second - so much of it draaaaaaaagggssss because it's all about war tactics and politics and who is gonna rule and who wants to fight who and all that totally dull, mildly confusing stuff.

But! Then there is still magic and this book has way more Jin and we get adventure again and it does have lots more fun stuff than the second one.

What a mess.

At the end of the last book, I predicted I wouldn't be keen on Amani in this one and, oh, guess what? I WAS RIGHT. She's wearing the Bossy Boots now and is kinda power tripping and I'm just not a fan. Even with the conciliatory, 'there was constantly a voice telling me I wasn't good enough' I just didn't buy it. I mean, look, quite honestly? Amani is kind of a dumbass. I really liked her in the first one coz she was selfish and determined yet still had a little bit of a heart. She was feisty, and quick, and gave Jin a run for his money. This book she's tired all the time and orders everyone around and is all patriotic and stuff but she just doesn't think things through. Also, the 'romance' between her and Jin gets a solid MINUS 2 STARS because what the heck was that?! There's zero emotion between them. Are you guys even in love? FFS. (view spoiler)[And it doesn't count if they constantly avoid each other but then suddenly on the eve of battle they must IMMEDIATELY HAVE SEX MAKE SAND AND DUST AND STARS EXPLODE WITH EACH OTHER. (hide spoiler)] I've been shipping these guys from the start but it was such a disappointingly tepid romance the whole way through.

I'm glad Sam is here, because there is just not nearly enough sass without him. I FORGOT TO WARN YOU ABOUT UPCOMING SPOILERS FOR THE PREVIOUS TWO NOVELS. CONSIDER YOURSELF NOW WARNED. Right, so as I was saying, since Shazad is imprisoned, very little sass. Sam gives us some much needed light entertainment, but you can't bail out a sinking ship with a single bucket. Sorry, Sam. I love you, but you just didn't have the sasspport you needed. This book is just heavy with responsibilities and hardship and it makes the whole story quite ... un-fun. Apologies, my mental thesaurus has retreated after the onslaught of such a taxing novel.

Wow. Scattered thoughts here.

I love the storytelling/mythology angle, and have done since the start. I like the little interlude stories, although these ones are all a little shallow and redundant. They were more fun in the first book when they were telling actual myths and legends. But I like that stories play such a big part, even if that's kind of forgotten until the last moment. On the downside, I think a lot of things that happened were just unnecessary. Like, they're grand gestures that lead to great stories but there's only so many you can accept before you start to become skeptical and jaded. (view spoiler)[For example, Imin's sacrifice at the end of book two was totally sad and epic. But then Hala also sacrificing herself? and then Sam sacrificing himself? Honestly, I was out of emotions with all these people sacrificing themselves. I felt very little over the multitude of deaths in this book. (hide spoiler)] I also feel like the mythology should have been taken advantage of more, in favour of all that boring political stuff. How about bringing back some more of those badass horses from the first book? There was so much magic in this world but it was poorly utilised and instead we get another story about the underdogs trying to win the war and overthrow the Big Bad. This makes me sad. What a wasted opportunity. Same case with so many of the characters - Rahim was such a cool guy but he just wasn't given anything to work with.

Guh. My feelings are really all over the place. Let's try bullet points:

GOOD:
- Jin
- Magic
- Myths
- Sam
- Shazad
- Fire
- Destruction

BAD:
-Jin & Amani
- Politics
- Army vs army
- Predictable
- Poor characterisation
- Poor use of mythology
- Science
- Overuse of shock moments
- Amani being an idiot
- Not enough sass

Okay so I have more bad points than good but a lot of it is just because I loved the world so much that the story kind of paled in comparison. I would absolutely read another book set in this world as long as it featured different characters (I'll take a cameo from Jin and/or Sam and/or Shazad, though). It was a decent enough conclusion to the series but overall it was just a disappointing read after all the excitement of the first book.

Also, lots of predictable moments. Lots of frustration figuring things out way ahead of Amani who, as mentioned, is thick as concrete.

I guess I will sum it up by saying I liked it more than the second book, but less than the first. It travels at a decent pace, though, so if you've read the previous two you might as well finish it off.

Let's hope there's a much more interesting story to come out of this world, yet.

View all my reviews

Review: City Without Heroes

City Without Heroes by Tanya Lisle
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Errrrrr. Yes. Well.

I'm honestly just glad that's over.

I was actually looking forward to this one! I'm so skeptical of freebies from new authors but there's the occasional diamond in the rough and I thought this might be it. I was wrong.

It has a promising premise: In a world where heroes and villains are constantly destroying things, there's a town where superpowers are banned, and no hero or villain resides. Indira and her family are new in town, and soon discover it's not as peaceful as it seems ...

Now, I love me some superheroes. I read the summary and was like, 'oh, cool! That's an interesting new angle!' and I was excited. But - and I'm sorry for what is going to be brutal honesty here - the execution was horrendous. It's so incredibly slow and confusing. First we have Indy and her bro getting to know the neighbourhood, and it's pages and pages of their thoughts, with very little exciting information. I did not give two hoots about any of it. There are giant long conversations with utterly dull characters and in between there are loooooooong descriptions about boring things and then super confusing powers talk. I also had massive issues with there being no formatting marks to indicate when someone was using telepathy. You gotta give me some kind of sign that these giant paragraphs are people actually having a conversation, yo.

So then after all the boring, getting-to-know crap, there's the wishy washy explanations of how the city works and you know what? I didn't get it. I never really understood how the city works. How the laws are kept and why and also why everyone seemed to have powers anyway. Then how that all coincided with the 'don't talk about powers or the specks will hear you only we don't know it's the specks' crap. Also, a little more info on these 'specks', please? It was just all so damn confusing and it totally lost me at that point.

There was also something about a cute boy but that actually seemed underplayed here. Indira herself seemed to have bizarre emotions. Like, not even emotions, really, just reactions. Absolutely rubbish characterisation in general; the characters were not fleshed out at all and no one seemed overflowing in the emotions department. No attachments here, I'm sorry to say. Esther was probably the closest I came to liking a character but I still didn't really get her.

Honestly, I think what this book really needs is a great editor. Someone to weed out all the unnecessary garbage and bring attention to things that the author hasn't actually explained. I think sometimes writers spend so much time in the worlds of their creation that they forget to explain things because to them it's already known. This book needs some tough love and a lot more action and depth, but it does still have the potential to be an interesting story. I think there'd be plenty here to fascinate readers if it were explained properly.

With great patience, you may find a story here, but it was just too amateur for me. I'd probably recommend more for younger readers, though not for anyone with a short attention span.

With thanks to Voracious Readers and the author for my free e-copy to read and review.

View all my reviews

Review: Bitter Greens

Bitter Greens by Kate Forsyth
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Mordieu! This is one heck of a story!

Imagine my surprise when I got to the Afterward and discovered Charlotte-Rose de Caumont de la Force was a real person, and much of this account is inspired by her real life. I find it so incredibly fascinating, and now I'm dying to know as much about her as possible! What an added bonus to an extraordinary tale! I've also been fascinated by 16th/17th century French history since I fell in love with The Three Musketeers so this just hit me right in my happy place. (That came out weird, but you know what I mean. Right?)

Bitter Greens begins with Charlotte's exile to a convent, and I confess: I thought this was going to be a tale of her hardships within and her attempts to escape, alternating with another woman in a similar position. Took me ages to work out this was a kind of re-telling of Rapunzel. It ended up blowing me away with how involved and convoluted it all was, and I freaking LOVED IT.

So we're really given four different stories: first, Charlotte's present situation, at the convent. Second, her musings on her past, which span a good thirty years or so. This is cut with one of the sisters at the convent telling her the story of Margherita/Petrosinella, set around one hundred years earlier, and the fourth story is the past of the witch who imprisoned Margherita. It jumps about quite a bit, and just as you're starting to get into one story, it changes again. It was slightly frustrating at times but I still really enjoyed it. Gave this long novel a great variety and kept things rather enthralling.

So the story of Margherita/Petrosinella is the Rapunzel retelling, and it's pretty true to the Grimm classic. I liked that it was hard and brutal, and didn't pull any punches. This whole novel is full of absolutely despicable behaviour that had me feeling a full range of emotions from delight, to misery, to shock and disgust. Never a dull moment in this one, folks.

The story of the witch, Selena, humanises it a lot, as she's given her own turbulent past and you begin to feel pity for this woman who treats Margherita so cruelly. I loved that. Villains are always so much more interesting when they're coloured in shades of grey. I enjoyed her story immensely.

Charlotte's past really made my heart ache. She's not a particularly likable protagonist, but her story draws you in and you can't help but feel for her. Her experiences were written boldly and vividly, with some scenes so graphic I felt them myself. I love writing like this that absorbs me so much I begin to feel what I assume the characters must. Charlotte's story is utterly compelling.

There's some serious scandal and so many, very real, characters that help create the scenes. There are situations that, despite being set in 17th Century France, are incredibly relatable to the present day. One of my favourite quotes from the book is this:

'As I knew full well, gossip had a way of taking a glance and turning it into a caress.'

Even today, gossip is a weapon of mass destruction, so this theme really struck a chord with me. The theme of love and belonging was quite powerful, too, and I think, again, it shows that some things are timeless and universal. In the words of one of my favourite bands, Anberlin: don't we all want to be loved?

This was such an epic novel, and there are many parts that will make you feel uncomfortable if you're a little squeamish. Endure it, though, and you'll be rewarded with a layered tale that feels incredibly real. There is plenty of action, with well-rounded characters and fascinating themes. I'm not a big fan of romance, but I was hooked on all of Charlotte's affairs with love, and it caught me by surprise.

Considering I DNF'd the last Kate Forsyth book I attempted to read (Dragonclaw), this was such an unexpected delight. I loved every minute of it. Highly recommend for those interested in historical fiction, fairytales, mythology, romance, witchcraft and multi-layered characters. Also, it's just a really great novel.

View all my reviews

Review: The Thousandth Floor

The Thousandth Floor by Katharine McGee
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Sweet baby cheesuz this was the most addictive trash I've read in a while!

Yes, it's trash. Total soap opera, overly dramatic trash. I don't even care. I loved it.

Are you familiar with Gossip Girl? This is basically GG set in the future and tripping balls. There's actually so many drugs . All weird, new, futuristic drugs, but just as messed up and illegal. Plenty of alcohol, too, but that's to be expected in a book about teenagers, I guess. These rich kids, man.

Also, so much drama.

We get viewpoints from Avery, Leda, Eris, Rylin and Watt, and these are some seriously messed up kids. They have so many issues that all entertwine with everyone else's drama and it's so ridiculously over the top and cliché but damn, I couldn't stop reading.

I had so much trouble with the main plot line, though: perfect Avery who seems to have everything but can't have the one thing she wants more than anything else. Spoiler alert: we find out pretty quickly that the one thing is her adopted brother. Like, I get that they're not related by blood but COME ON. YOU'RE STILL SIBLINGS. I could not ship this. Not even a little. Just way too wtf for me.

The rest of the drama, though, PHWOAAARRRR. Highly addictive. Scandals, affairs, drugs, sex, crime. So deliciously convoluted. There is almost no literary value in this book but it is certainly a guilty little pleasure of sordidness.

I'm not going to go into character thoughts right now but safe to say they are such a beautiful disaster.

Also, considering they're pretty much all students there's actually very little about the time they spend at school - it's all parties and social gatherings.

I shamelessly admit I loved this. I got addicted easily. Is the second one out yet? Because I NEED IT.

View all my reviews