Review: Clockwork Angel

Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Not even the nerdiest of the nerds recites this much goddamn poetry and literature.

There was not a single thing in this book that came as a surprise.

The story goes back in time to the earlier days of the Shadowhunter society you may know of from The Mortal Instruments series. Here we meet perfectly ordinary - oh no wait she has a power no one can explain WOW so powerful - Tessa Gray. She meets the mysterious, arrogant, drop-ya-knickers STUD Will Herondale who saves her and brings her back to the Shadowhunters lair. Things happen involving Vampires, Warlocks, Angels, Metal Men (and women) and other creatures of the Otherworld. There is a love triangle. OBVIOUSLY.

So much of this book wasted time talking about the attractiveness levels of every single character. This is a huge turnoff for me with YA stories and part of why I am so over them. Tessa sees Will and is like, 'oh my god he's so chiselled I just want to run my hands all over his body and make him mine' and that's it - BAM! she's in love. Doesn't matter that he's an arrogant d*ck, treats her like crap half the time and is rude to everyone around him. He's hot. So. That's all that matters. Oh! Also, he recites poetry and literary references back at her. *gags* NO ONE ACTUALLY RECITES POETRY FFS. Also, how has she possibly had enough time to be so widely read but to also have memorised so much?! We all know it's one or the other.

But don't forget Will's opposite best friend, the strong silent type that suddenly becomes his own kind of hot when Tessa stops looking at Will for five seconds.

So much of this story was about the love triangles and who was into who and the action was so mundane in contrast. The fight scenes are either drawn out to the point of monotony or skipped over quickly to get back to the feelings.

It travels along at a decent pace, and there's a story there to keep you invested, but it's also highly predictable so all the twists fall a little flat. That could also be though because I've read a lot of YA fantasy that have all the same tropes though so take that into account when considering my harsh criticisms. I'm aware this series has a cult following (and they just released a manga version!) so if you're less jaded than I you'll probably have a good time with it.

I think I'm getting old, guys.

Those who enjoyed the original series should get a lot of fun out of travelling back to the earlier days, and there might just be some familiar faces to get you excited. There's enough to be curious about to take you into the second book, but personally I'm happy to park it here and just google the rest if the curiosity becomes too much.

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Review: Flowers in the Attic

Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I can see how this would have hit harder before all the Covid lockdowns.

The story: After the sudden death of their father, four children are forced to live in the attic home of their maternal grandparents. Mum is hoping to get back into the good graces of her old man, so that when he dies (soon, probably) he'll leave her and the kids his vast fortune.

I am not kidding - the similarities to lockdown were eerie. Remember how grateful we were to have that single hour outside? Actually, maybe this hits harder now because most of us understand a little of what those kids must have been feeling: endless days stretching ahead to fill as creatively as possible, the waves of potential alternating with the waves of despair. The longing to connect with anyone outside of your own family; the endless, 'you'll be free any day now!' Brutal, man.

This story really sucked me in, and I was enraptured with how the kids would go about things. I did expect more horror, and more twisted happenings, but there were still some real disturbing ideas floated that will leave you feeling a little uncomfortable.

The mother is quite a fascinating character, and while I hated her for the most part I think her part in the story was so critical, and made this story what it is. Such an intriguing character study there. The children frustrated me at times but they are also so clearly children, and I liked that it wasn't all perfect positivity.

It's quite an addictive read, and I was constantly wondering what was going to happen next even though nothing terribly dramatic was happening. I was expecting all kinds of things but this is a slow, lurking kind of horror with disgusted faces and uncomfortable shudders.

I raced through it pretty quickly, and I do recommend it if you're looking for something memorable. Not for the faint of heart, but definitely worth knowing about as something of a classic.

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Review: Gideon Falls, Vol.1: The Black Barn

Gideon Falls, Vol.1: The Black Barn by Jeff Lemire
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

All kinds of wild, this one.

The artwork here didn't work for me at all - I'm not a fan of gritty and grainy - and the stylised stuff really did my head in. It's very clever, but my head really struggled to put some of the pieces together. Literal pieces, in some cases. But others may appreciate this style and its incredible contrasts.

Story wise, though, this was pretty out there. There's a mysterious 'Black Barn' that is haunting people and causing multiple deaths ... somehow. Totally bizarre.

I was hooked on the story, though, with its dual protagonists - the new priest investigating with the locals, and the crazy man who is maybe not so crazy. It's an intriguing, dark mystery and things travelled along at a decent pace, with a cliffhanger at the end of each issue. Kept me invested, that's for sure.

This is quite a unique graphic novel, so if you're looking for something a little more out there, this could be a fun place to start.

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Review: Super-Dimensional Love Gun

Super-Dimensional Love Gun by Shintarō Kago
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is BEYOND MESSED UP and I don't know how to feel other than disgusted.

How do I even describe how disturbing this was?

Body horror, sexual depravity, mutilations and murder, twisted entities ... the whole collection was batsh*t insane.

Some of the stories were cleverly disturbing, like the one where a girl is obsessed with scratching herself.

Some were hilarious, like the monster-girl whose head pops off every time she orgasms.

Then some were just straight up nonsensical and bizarre, like the one with some god-slug thing sucking the life from buildings.

That's just a small example - honestly, I tried to burn most of these out of my brain immediately after reading.

There is a plethora of naked bodies in all kinds of messy detail; one story even focuses on (view spoiler)[the application of penises with foreskin in new and unconventional settings. (hide spoiler)] There is an abundance of rape and mutilation and everything seems to come with its own depraved sexual angle. There's one panel showing (view spoiler)[a girl being penetrated from behind by a horse (hide spoiler)] which I'm still trying to wrap my head around.

And somehow there's still a dark, purposeful humour to it all.

This is next level Japanese horror. It goes to all kinds of extreme lengths to gross you out and succeeds almost too well. It's bizarre and twisted and will take you in unexpected directions that will more often than not make you want to scream/cry/puke.

I hated reading it, and it made me think longingly of getting into a hot shower fully clothed and sobbing til I had nothing left.

So like, mixed feelings I guess.

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Review: The Painted Man

The Painted Man by Peter V. Brett
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Ooooh good yes very good!

My favourite part of this book is how it skips the boring bits and goes straight into the action. Sometimes it skips important scenes in favour of talking about the aftermath and I appreciated that, too. I guess I just really love what the author chose to keep and chose to evict.

We have three main protagonists, but the main chunk of the story follows Arlen. Only 11 at the beginning of the story, he shows us the plague of demons that haunt this world and how wards are the only defence against them. The people are ruled by fear, and Arlen learns very quickly that he's not really a fan of that.

There's also Leesha and, later, Rojar. Each has their own story to tell.

I found the story quite fascinating. At first I thought I would be bored if it was just the same kinda thing again and again but somehow it kept my interest and I became so invested. I felt a lot of feelings, and I really loved the characters. Arlen has some real growth and I enjoyed reading about it.

I wanted a little more wilderness adventure, I think, but I can see that wouldn't have really fit the story. I wanted a bigger world, I suppose, but this small one was excellently done so I can't complain about that.

I'm super curious to know more about the demons, and learn more about this world in general. I want epic-ness to start creeping in, I think. Like, this was a fantastic origin story but I'm ready for things to take off and the stakes to get higher. BRING IT ON.

Keen to read the next one soon!

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Review: Revival

Revival by Stephen King
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Disappointingly dull, I'm afraid.

This is the most disappointing King book I've read so far. The first 100-odd pages had me entertained, but then it just drifted into dull and I couldn't finish it fast enough. There was so very little to invest in.

The story is Jamie Morton's, and begins when he's six years old and meets Charles Jacobs for the first time. The two have intertwined destinies, and none of it is too pretty. Jacobs is obsessed with electricity, Jamie is a muso nomad, and I am already bored.

There was so little point to this story. Jacobs goes on the carny circuit with his electrical experimentation, and Jamie gets hooked on drugs. Even the experiments just did nothing for me. There are some troubling visions and after effects, but for the most part there was very little horror to this story. (view spoiler)[(Giant ants? REALLY???) (hide spoiler)]

King writes well, so the pace travels well enough and you do get to know the characters quite well. But because this is a book called Revival, it naturally is balanced by a LOT of deaths. People around Jamie are just ridiculously unlucky for some plot-convenient reason. Hmm. This book really just reeks of, 'my publishers needed another book from me and this is the best I could do with the time they gave me.'

There was just nothing about this story that I really cared for. It raises some interesting questions about death and the like but nothing new that hasn't been raised before. Plus, King just loves to sh*t all over religion, and while I'm not religious myself I'm honestly finding it a bit old.

Definitely not his best work, and a bit of a chore to get through by the end. Pet Sematary did it better.

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Review: Batman: Hush

Batman: Hush by Jeph Loeb
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Was really drawn to the artwork of this one, and it carried me through.

The story involves all of Batman's villainous enemies coming out of the woodwork at once, clearly manipulated by a mastermind behind the scenes. Said mastermind appears to be a figure with a bandage-wrapped head and a brown trench coat.

I did really enjoy seeing so many bad guys in one place. There are also plenty of hero guest appearances, and a lot of allusions to events that have come before in the general Batman canon so I'm glad I had a little background knowledge. It's the first time I've met Bruce's 'best friend', Tommy Elliott, though. I was very suspicious of him haha. Still, he introduced that more human element that Bruce so desperately needs - helped him stand out as a man instead of just his vigilante persona.

The pacing worked for me, with plenty of action cushioned by story and character exploration. There's a bit of focus on the Batman/Catwoman relationship and it was actually kind of nice to see them working together here instead of just constantly annoying one another.

The twists as to the identity of the man in bandages really confused me, to be honest. I could not keep the story straight and so instead of it being a clever plot move, it just muddled things for me. I'm still not sure what the conclusion was or why everything went the way it did. So in terms of the actual story I liked the journey but not so much the conclusion.

Overall, I most enjoyed the artwork and the inclusion of so many familiar characters. I enjoyed reading it, and there are notes in the back regarding all the hidden details in the artwork so that will be especially fun for collectors, art nerds and the curious.

A decent addition to Batman's legacy and a worthy inclusion as one of the more popular Batman titles.

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Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Last Ronin—The Lost Years #1

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Last Ronin—The Lost Years #1 by Kevin B. Eastman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I only just read Last Ronin and I'm already glad to be back in this world.

In The Last Ronin, we heard the tale of the last remaining Turtle and how he became the Last. There's a reference to his journey to Japan where he intended to let himself die and this new series covers that period of time. I am here for it.

At the same time, in the present, there's a new generation under construction so we get a little info on that, too.

I wasn't too endeared to the next gen here, but I really loved the look back at Ronin's* journey. (*nickname used to protect his identity) He's a bit broken when the story starts, so it's quite heart breaking to jump into the story at this point. Still, there's that glimmer of hope in knowing how these Turtles operate. We know Ronin will pick himself up eventually, but how??

Once again the artwork perfectly complements the story, and I was equally as invested in this single as I was reading the collected edition of The Last Ronin. This is a story that has been brilliantly planned and crafted, and there is a real emotional investment from the very first page.

Really enjoyed the look back, though I'm still waiting for more from the next gen.

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Review: Lies

Lies by Enrique de Hériz
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Gonna go ahead and DNF @ Pg 123 (30%)

The truth is, I just don't care. I've actually been reading this on and off since December and it has no hold over me at all. It's about a woman who inadvertently fakes her own death so she can live wild, researching anthropology, while her children back home have to learn to go on without her. Her daughter is obsessed with discovering the truth of the past, so there's also a bunch of stuff about her mysterious grandfather? But it's so, 'oooh but maybe that part is a lie?!' that there's kind of no point to any of it? Except for maybe the whole point of the story being that everyone lies all the time. YAWN.

It's told in a rather confusing manner, and I think that's a big reason why this just wasn't working for me. It's clearly a translated novel so maybe it's a 'lost in translation' issue but there are so many words and just not enough substance. Timelines dance all over the place, so one minute you think you're reading about the present and the next you're reliving something from the past or someone else's story entirely. Bit of a headache in that.

There is something of an interesting story here and I'm assuming there'll be a twist later on but there's too much effort required. I'm getting harsher with what I spend my time reading these days and after 100-odd pages and some random skimming of the rest I feel like this just isn't worth the effort.

Maybe one for the literature lovers but too convoluted for me. Pass.

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Review: Spinning Silver

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Very glad to be done with this!

Definitely not as painful as Uprooted but still a really tedious read.

I have so many complaints I don't even know where to start.

The story is inspired by the Rumpelstiltskin legend, but instead turns Miryem into a moneylender who attracts the notice of an ice king. There's also a duke's daughter and a peasant family thrown into the mix.

Complaint #1: Multiple viewpoints
Normally this is a plus for me, but there was no clear identifier for who was actually telling the story. You had to infer it from the story as it unravelled and sometimes this was just not easy to do. Particularly as new viewpoints were introduced as the story went on. I got very confused. It also didn't help that the three main characters are young women of the same age who all seemed the same in the way they told the story.

Complaint #2: The writing
These were some of the most convoluted sentences I've ever read in my life. Double, triple negatives; long, meandering sentences that use 20 or so words where three would have sufficed. Not even classic literature is this confusing. It dragged the story out so much and often had me scratching my head trying to work out what had just been said.

Complaint #3: The pacing
This story could easily have been squashed into less that 400 pages. The first 100 or so drag out the whole Moneylender side of things when this could easily have been summarised in a single chapter. Then finally we get into the story and we're given yet another character who wants to tell us their story, and so the thing expands again. When things seem like they're going to wrap up soon, instead it's drawn out for another 200-odd pages. Add to this awful pacing the inclusion of those long sentences I mentioned and this became such a tedious read. It was so much effort to drag the story out of it.

Complaint #4: The complete lack of world-building
I love magic. I love fantasy. I love imagination. I love worlds created from nothing. But I still require some kind of explanation. This story just throws random pieces of magic at you with zero explanation and it's confusing. So much of the world is just thrust at you to accept instead of built logically. The concept of the Staryk is barely explored and yet we're soon to find ourselves heavily invested in them. How are we supposed to care when we can't fully grasp who they are, how many there are, how they live, where they live, etc? We're given bare bones enough to witness this one story but that's it. Nothing is ever really explained. Miryem's relationship with the King fascinated me but I just wanted to know more. What was the scale of the world compared to them and their story? I really needed more world-building. Obviously there's a heavy Russian influence, but are we to just assume that this fantasy story is set in Russia? I really struggled to grasp the extent of this world.

I think that's my major complaints. The story itself wasn't actually that bad, but it was drawn out way too long and told in such a dull way. It was better than I expected after the disaster that was Uprooted but it still wasn't great.

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Review: The Pallbearers Club

The Pallbearers Club by Paul Tremblay
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Time of Death: 137 pages. DNF @ 49%

What a dull offering from Mr Tremblay!

There's no horror here, just a character study that amounts to one whiny, self-absorbed dude ranting endlessly and one snarky, manic pixie dream girl commenting throughout. Also something about vampires?

Very disappointed. I thought of pushing through to the end but this was a group read where many people said I needn't bother and I'm more than happy to take that advice. I've got better things to spend my reading time on.

I think a huge part of me not liking this story is because it's just Art going on in these long sentences in long paragraphs and by the end of the sentence I've lost what it was he was trying to say. I read almost half of this book and I still couldn't tell you what happened? I skimmed some and even read the last few pages and all of it was so POINTLESS.

I don't really know what more to say. It was pointless, I didn't like either of the main characters, and I'm far too lazy to try and read into all the clever allusions and innuendos and metaphors etc. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR DAT.

Done and done. I'm out.

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Review: The Eye of the World

The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Goodness me, what a tome!

It was both a blessing and a curse to have watched season one of the TV series first. It certainly made their tedious journey of multiple inns and roads stand out like a sore thumb, but it was also really fascinating to get more into the lore and meet more characters.

I'm sure there's not too much I can say about this series than hasn't already been said, but I'll give my own thoughts nevertheless.

The plot: A bunch of farm kids get swept up in an epic adventure, led by a sorceress and her warrior protector. Danger stalks them and things are not going to be easy, but the fate of the world is at stake.

Epic hero action, but I was not too convinced by Rand at all I'm afraid. He seemed like kind of an idiot. I felt more for Perrin and Nyanaeve than old bleeding heart Rand. I really liked Mat's character development, and Lan is of course the true hero. I appreciated that the women were powerful, but that it wasn't done to the point of making the men worthless. I like that all of the men had their own thing, and even Nyanaeve and Egwene (omg am I spelling any of these names right?!) were different in the way they thought of magic.

The pace of the story is a bit off, and I did get rather bored with all the city/inn hopping and road travelling. So much of it was the same, and having seen the show do it better I was really impatient to get on with the story. However, where the book differed from the show I was fully enthralled, and it was fun witnessing these parts of the story for the first time. I wonder if book two will have more appeal for that reason?

By the time the ending came around I was pretty hooked and keen to see where it all finished up.

In summary, it was a little monotonous at times, but there's an epic story here to dig into and I suspect plenty more world to dive into in the following books.


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