Review: Uprooted

Uprooted by Naomi Novik
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

A Recipe For Disaster

Ingredients:
1 Peasant girl
1 Grumpy mentor
1 Sidekick
1 handful random royalty (Include a daring prince who is actually a jerk for extra zest)
2 buckets of superiority complex
1 sprinkling of monsters
Approx. 6 cartloads of magic and spells
1 Evil Wood (Make sure it's definitely evil. Super dooper evil.)

Method:
1. Don't even worry about it. Just smoosh it all together and see what happens
2. If it seems too bland, add more spells. Then more. Then a little more.And then more to garnish.
3. If it still seems tasteless, mix the monsters and the royalty, add some blood. And more spells.
4. Oh yeah don't forget the sidekick. I don't know what it does, but throw it in anyway
5. Bake it. Freeze it. Mix it. Bake it. Fry it. Refrigerate. Bake it again. JUST KEEP COOKING IT. FOREVER.
6. Don't forget to throw the buckets of superiority over the whole mess

Serving Suggestion:
Don't.



So I guess you could say this book didn't really work for me.

Bonus star for the mantises though.


Full list of complaints:
(view spoiler)[
- The ROMANCE. The Dragon is over 100 years but because 'he looks almost my age, super cute, what are the chances?' she's totally DTF. HE'S OLDER THAN YOUR GRANDPARENTS, KID. It made me want to throw up in my mouth a little.
-The Dragon himself should have been so awesome with a name like that but he's RUDE and a JERK and STUFFY and he totally acts like a crotchety old man so despite him being 'oh so handsome' I kept picturing him like Merlin from Disney's The Sword in the Stone. Only in appearance, though, coz Merlin was actually cool.
- Kasia. WHAT IS THE POINT OF HER. At first I thought it was going to be a lesbian love angle but it just ended up being ... oh she's a badass and so much stronger and braver than Agniz (I'm not even going to attempt to spell her name. I just mentally called her Agniz - it was easier) but OH WAIT LOOK AGNIZ IS A BADASS AFTER ALL, SUCK IT, KASIA! But wait she's my BFF and I will do anything for her ... I mean it was just so frustratingly pointless. I cared nothing for Kasia. I was ready for her to be left in the wood to rot.
- The Wood is so full of evil things, and this world is full of monsters, but we get such a small taste of them. Instead the evil wood just inhabits people and makes them do bad things. The mantises were so cool because finally we got some carnage, we got to see the evil actually being properly evil, and it was such a relief. But otherwise, considering the evil of the wood I just was not impressed.
- The entire story goes on for way too long. Journeys here and there, overnight stays, more journeys, carts, wagons, horses ... DON'T CARE. Don't even get me started on the pointlessness of her going to court and making nice with nobles. It was stretched out so much, and it just seemed to want to cram in as many fantasy references as possible. Honestly, it was a mess.
- The cheesy layering of characters was a bit much. I'm all for grey characters in my stories, but you get the prince to attempt rape on the MC and then turn around and try to tell me how he's just a poor broken soul who wants his mamma and I'm gonna struggle with that. JUST LET ME HATE HIM FFS. It just kept trying to put the 'I am a good person who sees the good in everyone' spin on EVERYTHING and it just ... mellows everything. It takes away the fun.
- Wow how amazing is it that Agniz, this one-woman disaster, suddenly becomes this all-powerful wizard who is more powerful than all of the wizards who have been doing spells for centuries? SO BELIEVABLE.
-EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS BOOK MADE ME MAD. (Except the mantises. You're excused.)
-Basically it's boring, when it shouldn't be, and I hated ALL the characters, and the whole thing hinges on an evil wood that basically just needs a hug.
-I'M DONE.
(hide spoiler)]

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